How to STOP Temper Tantrums FAST
Temper tantrums can be so hard, and the worst part is when they happen in public or when you’re in a rush to get somewhere!
I’m right with you! With four littles under six, temper tantrums are a common occurrence in my household! However, I have learned tips and tricks to prevent them, stop them, and shorten them and reconnect with my little after— I want to share this knowledge with you!
In this blog post, I’m sharing my top 5 tips to ending temper tantrums- and fast! I will be covering:
What is a temper tantrum and the reason behind them
Tricks to prevent temper tantrums
Tips to stop them
Steps to reconnect with your child after
So if you are struggling with temper tantrums, feeling frustrated with your little and struggling to connect this post is for you!
What is a temper tantrum?
A temper tantrum in mom terms is when your little has an epic meltdown because you peel their banana the wrong way…am I right?!? I can’t tell you how many times I have had giant meltdowns in my house because I used the wrong bowl, cut a piece of food wrong or opened a snack they asked for but should have left it closed??!?
In all seriousness, a temper tantrum is a way for our children to communicate with us…and usually we are not meeting the need or demand they want. Whether your little is two and just learning to talk or five and able to tell you all the things— they happen.
In our adultness, it is easy to dismiss our littles needs as “insignificant” or “not a big deal” but to them that food we cut wrong or plate we just washed is their whole world— seems silly right? But it is true!
Whenever our little is in a temper tantrum, it is essential to ask ourselves “What are they trying to tell me?”
This is the key to understanding your child and seeing temper tantrums for what they are— a crappy way to communicate feelings and emotions.
Tricks to prevent temper tantrums:
Sleep You might be saying “Meggie you are crazy!” But honestly this is the number one culprit for temper tantrums in my house. When my oldest who is six throws a temper tantrum it is ALWAYS because he is over tired and his body doesn’t know how to manage his emotions— so he gets upset about the craziest things. Making sure your little is getting adequate and restful sleep can help!
Hungry Have you ever been hangry??! Because I sure have…and when I am hungry I can be a giant B! Well our littles can be too when they are hungry. Which can be an onset for temper tantrums.
Acknowledge When you see your little start to get upset, start the conversation but acknowledging how they are feeling. I say “It looks like you are feeling ___” This simple statement lets your little know you SEE them.
Model Model breathing techniques to help them regulate their nervous system. If you don’t do breathing in your house, read my blog post on “30 Second Calm Down Hack”
Ironically or not so ironically, the tips to stop them are also how you can prevent them! When your little is in a temper tantrum they are in their “fight or flight” brain. You talking to them or rationalizing with them is not even registering for them because they are just working to survive the emotional turmoil they feel inside their bodies. When they are in the middle of a temper tantrum the best thing you can do is one of the following (I list them because each of my littles prefers a different way to calm down)
Tips to STOP temper tantrums:
Offer to sit by them while they calm down
Offer to hold them while they calm down
Tell them “I am here for you when you want to talk"
Offer to rub their back
Breathe deeply near them (This is great modeling for them)
Stop talking/rationalizing with them
Once your child has calmed down, then it is time to reconnect.
Reconnecting with your little is the most important part of all of this. Our littles were communicating a need, felt a lot of rushing emotion, and now it is time for us to show them we are here for them.
For example, my daughter Attley is HIGHLY emotional. She gets upset easily and often. When she is in her tantrum, I tell her “I am here to hold you if you want” and I sit with my arms open. 99% of the time she will run into my arms and I hold her when she cries out her frustration/emotion. When her crying slows, I offer to breathe with her. This is a routine we established early on and has worked wonders for her. A few deep breaths where she “blows my hair” gets her calmed down and able to communicate what upset her and what she needs.
My 18 month old also will occasionally do breathing when she is at my feet saying “hold you, hold you” her way of saying she wants me to hold her. I can’t always comply with her wants and she can get upset. With lots of modeling, she has picked up the cues of how to breathe when I say “Audynn, take a breath please.” And she does— doesn’t always stop the tantrum from me not holding her (she is a true momma’s girl) but I know this skill will help as she gets older.
Reconnecting is all about listening to your little and knowing how to talk to them! That is why learning how to talk with your toddler is SO important and why I created Aligned Parents Mini-Course covering this concept and more!
Once I learned how to talk to my littles, temper tantrums were fewer and farther between! We did not have littles so we could deal with their toddler drama all day- even if that is how it feels sometimes! Raising littles should be fun and enjoyable and I want this for you too!
Aligned Parent Mini-Course is an easy and quick way to set yourself up for parenting success and change the way you act and communicate with your littles! For $22 you get six mini-lessons that cover areas in development, parenting styles, discipline, challenging behaviors, temperament, and characteristics of strong families. With included workbooks you will be able to answer questions, take notes, and retain the information provided.
The biggest factor in dealing with temper tantrums is looking at them through the lens of love and support. Asking yourself “What are they trying to communicate” or “What do they need right now” can help you solve the intricate puzzle that can be our toddlers minds! And if you want to dig deeper into temper tantrums and our reaction to them check out my free video training “Stop Yelling at Your Littles.” It is a new and different approach than your likely used to so get ready to learn something new!
RELATED POSTS: