We have all been there...You are standing in the middle of your kitchen where it looks like a food explosion happened, while your littles are running around screaming and you are still wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hi, welcome to motherhood-- a crazy, beautiful, overwhelming experience!
Having four littles in five years, overwhelm was my operating state until I implemented these steps to banish the feeling of overwhelm and step into a more relaxed and calm state. Knowing you always have a choice in your emotions and reactions is KEY when feelings of overwhelm creep up.
In this blog post I will be covering:
After my third little was born, I was overwhelmed. Between having a newborn, meeting the needs of my toddler and preschooler and trying to keep my head above the demands of motherhood, it became clear things needed to change.
I am going to be completely honest-- I still sometimes get overwhelmed in day to day life but I have used these tools, techniques, and strategies to turn that overwhelm into feelings of powerful calmness and I am going to teach you too!
The first step is to understand your root cause of overwhelm
When I think of times I was feeling “overwhelmed” I was really feeling scared of not knowing if I could do all the things I was being asked to do. Can I manage a house, laundry, cook dinner and keep three children alive at the same time? Looking at your overwhelm from a place of “what is this moment showing me” can give you valuable insights into what the root cause is. Knowing the root cause will allow you to acknowledge your [fear] on a deeper level. Getting specific on what exactly you are overwhelmed or scared of allows you to tackle the fear head on.
If your root cause is fear of something (which it most likely is) identifying the fear like “I am scared I can’t do it all” will allow you to express it and then it loses it’s power over you. Can you do it all? No. No one can. So your fear is expressed and then validated that it is just that-- a fear based thought that doesn’t hold power over you.
The Next Step is to Observe the Overwhelm
When you’re knee deep in mom mode and you feel overwhelmed, you can observe it. You can look at it from a place of witnessing the overwhelm. Your thoughts might play out like this:
‘Ooo I am feeling overwhelmed. Ok I know that overwhelmed is coming from me feeling scared or fearful of something, what am I feeling scared of right now? Ohh I am feeling scared that we will be late for preschool because there is so much that needs to happen between now and when we have to leave in 30 minutes. Ok if we are late, what are the consequences? Nothing. Ok so my overwhelm is not a “big deal” Here are all the things I need to get done and the priority of them getting done.”
That inner dialogue might seem silly but I cannot be the only one that talks myself through situations when I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Witnessing it and walking yourself through the different scenarios allows you to play out the outcomes and validate the emotion but also see it in a new perspective.
When Overwhelm Hits, Give Yourself Grace
When you are in an overwhelmed state, you are likely running on adrenaline and maybe you’re snappier with your family or shorter with your responses. Maybe you raise your voice and yell in an effort to get your overwhelmed feelings across. When this happens give yourself grace. Know that you are doing the best you can in your current situation and move into using your body.
Use your Body
Our bodies are SO powerful. When we are in an overwhelmed state, you are likely in fight or flight mode meaning your sympathetic nervous system is running the show. When you are in this state your muscles tense up, your pupils dilate, and your heartbeat increases-- getting you ready to fight. This state is hard on our bodies and we aren’t able to process everything around us because we are literally poised to “run.” To get out of this, we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system. To do this, you want to take long, slow, deep breaths. I love box breathing- breathing in for 8, hold for 8, breathe out for 8 and hold for 8. Doing this for a few minutes I immediately feel my body relax and my muscles loosen up. From this space, you can start to process all that is overwhelming you and move into using your tools.
Use your Tools
I was once told by a friend that a man's brain is like a runway and they think linear and one thing at a time and that a woman's brain is like a bowl of spaghetti because we have a thousand thoughts going in a thousand directions but we still end up having a delicious meal because we are just that talented with our noodle brain. However, even noodles need some help. My biggest tool when overwhelm strikes is to start making a list. Lists on lists on lists. List all of the things that need to get done and when they need to get done by. This allows you to start to organize some of the “spaghetti” brain and turn it into something more manageable.
Move into the 3 Ds
After you have your list, move into the 3 Ds phase. This is a helpful process to figure out what needs to be done, delegated, and deleted. Go through your list and identify what has to be done by you, what can be delegated to someone else (more on this in a min) and then deleted/outsourced. Are there things on your list that someone else could do for you? Can something wait until later? Only you can decide what will work for you but use the 3 Ds on your list and take some load off your plate!
Implement your Team
One of the quickest ways to get rid of overwhelm is to implement your team and by team I mean family or support system. In our house, I literally tell my littles that I can’t do it all. I need their help. They have responsibilities and jobs that they do daily and we have systems in place to keep things running smooth-ish for our family of six.
Jobs/Responsibilities my kids have (Ages 6,5,3,2 as of 12/21)
Putting their clean clothes away
Putting their shoes away when they come inside
Bringing dishes to the sink after meals
Cleaning up toys off the floor so I can run our robot vacuum
Sorting laundry
Wiping down surfaces after meals
Putting silverware away
Cleaning bathrooms
Grabbing their waters when it is time to leave the house
Systems
What responsibilities can you give your littles? Honestly, ANY age after 1 can help out-- Audynn, my youngest, learned how to bring me a diaper and wipes when she pooped at 18 months! It just might take some creative thinking on our part!
Now I know this blog post was packed with information so digest it slowly and come back to it as needed. You do NOT need to feel overwhelmed by motherhood even if some moments are overwhelming. Using the steps, tools, tips and tricks in this post will help you navigate the ups and downs in a more calm and relaxed manner! And if you need more support in your motherhood journey, grab the Aligned Parents Mini-Course or book a discovery call for Illuminated Coaching
What if you understood your child’s the fundamental reasons for why your kid is the way he/she is? There is a module on Temperament which breaks down in simple language why our kids think and act the way that they do! Or do you know what your parenting style is and the different types? There is a module explaining and breaking it down for you! This mini-course will give you valuable and insightful knowledge that will change your parenting forever.
For $22 you get six mini-lessons that cover areas in development, parenting styles, discipline, challenging behaviors, temperament, and characteristics of strong families. With included workbooks you will be able to answer questions, take notes, and retain the information provided.
I believe parenting should be a fun and happy experience and sometimes that means digging deeper into ourselves and learning more! Helping burnt out and overwhelmed moms is my passion because once upon a time, I was just like you! And if you want to take your burnout even farther, check out my FREE video training on Stop Yelling at Your Littles.
