If you are a mom, you know that tantrums can be the most frustrating and annoying thing when you are trying to get somewhere or out in public. Getting your little to calm down quickly is KEY and through lots of trial and error, I have found the best way and utilize it DAILY in my household.
In this Blog post you will learn:
What is emotional regulation/dysregulation
The number one hack to getting them to calm down
Breathing techniques that are UNIQUE
Emotional regulation is one of the BIGGEST things mom and dads down when raising our littles but it is not a widely known topic. Emotional regulation is basically learning and implementing strategies when we are about to lose our sh*t.
If you have met a toddler, preschooler, or basically any age child, they lose their cool often and usually with a giant tantrum mixed in. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all have emotional regulation tools we use throughout the day— breathing, moving our bodies, substances, social media—just to name a few.
As parents, our job is to teach our littles emotional regulation tools for when they are starting to get dysregulated (upset) and as they are coming down from their tantrum. (If you are confused about tantrums check out this post)
Breathing is the number one hack to getting your little to calm down when they are upset. However, timing and approach matter!
How to Establish a Breathing Routine
Identify which breathing technique works for your little (listed in next section)
Model this breathing when they are upset or frustrated
Encourage them to breathe when they are starting to show signs of upset
If they melt down, ask them to breathe using their technique before returning to the activity they were doing before.
Keep going through steps 2-4
When Emmett was two, we learned about how important breathing was for littles and regulating their emotions and we tried a few breathing techniques. When he was getting upset, we would first acknowledge his emotions. “It looks like you are feeling really frustrated.” After we acknowledged him and his feelings, we would model breathing techniques and eventually he latched on to one that resonated with him. He would do this breathing technique on demand until he was about four. Now that he is six, he will take a deep breath when we ask him to when he is feeling angry and frustrated.
NOTE: When your little is in an epic meltdown, your job is to hold space for them and be there whether it is holding them or sitting near them. Once they are calmed down to speak is when you would implement a breathing technique.
Breathing Techniques to Try
Here is a list of some of our favorite breathing techniques— some might seem silly but that is kinda the point- the more fun they are the more likely your little will be willing to do them and calm down faster when they are becoming dysregulated.
Flower & Candle Breathing: Bring your fist to your nose and “smell the flowers” (aka taking a big inhale) and then open your hand to look like candles and have them “blow out” the candles on your hand
Lion Breathing: Have your little take a big inhale and then stick out your tongue and exhale like a lion would if it was to roar or yawn.
Glitter breathing: bring your palms to your nose and take a big inhale filling up your lungs, then open your palms and “blow out the glitter” from your palms
Blow the House Down: This is a spin off the Little Red Riding Hood. With your arms at your sides inhale bringing them up over head to make a “house” and then exhale to blow the house down and bring your arms back by your sides. ** this is the one Em loved.
Hair Blowing: This one may seem silly but it works for my highly emotional daughter. Take a big inhale, and on the exhale see if you can “blow the hairs on my head”
Belly breathing: place hands on belly and watch them rise and fall as you take inhales and exhales
Box Breathing: This one is great for older littles and adults. Inhale for 5, hold for 5, exhale for 5 and inhale for 5. Essentially creating a “box.” You can change the amount of time depending on personal preference…I do this one a lot as a mom.
Pick a few to try and get breathing with your little. You might not see them calm down quickly right away but if you keep encouraging and modeling it will help! Attley, my highly emotional daughter, can calm down SO much faster now that we implemented a breathing strategy when she is showing signs of dysregulation. And remember, sometimes our littles need to melt down to get whatever pent up emotion is stored in their body out and our job is to support them through it! I have put together an easy and quick Mini-course that helps you understand your child and yourself better!
Aligned Parent Mini-Course is an easy and quick way to set yourself up for parenting success and change the way you act and communicate with your littles! What if you understood your child’s the fundamental reasons for why your kid is the way he/she is? There is a module on Temperament which breaks down in simple language why our kids think and act the way that they do! Or do you know what your parenting style is and the different types? There is a module explaining and breaking it down for you! This mini-course will give you valuable and insightful knowledge that will change your parenting forever.
For $22 you get six mini-lessons that cover areas in development, parenting styles, discipline, challenging behaviors, temperament, and characteristics of strong families. With included workbooks you will be able to answer questions, take notes, and retain the information provided.
The biggest factor in dealing with temper tantrums is looking at them through the lens of love and support. Asking yourself “What are they trying to communicate” or “What do they need right now” can help you solve the intricate puzzle that can be our toddlers minds! And if you want to dig deeper into temper tantrums and our reaction to them check out my free video training “Stop Yelling at Your Littles.” It is a new and different approach than your likely used to so get ready to learn something new!
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