TWO DAYS
FOUR DAYS
SIX DAYS
SIX Days and counting…
Six Weeks and Six Lessons
I cannot believe the first round of Tribes is over. It seems like such a whirlwind. I got the idea to create this community at the end of January and was able to launch in February. I’ve gotten asked a lot “How are you doing this?!?” and my response is “I had to.” I saw a HUGE need in our motherhood community and I know that I can help fill it. God put this on my heart and I am doing something about it! It is as simple and as complicated as that! I spent seven weeks (we had a week off while I was in LA) with this amazing group of mommas and they taught me SO much that I thought I should share what I’ve learned with you.
Motherhood communities are NEEDED. Like seriously. It doesn’t matter if you work, stay home, or do something in between, you need a tribe of mommas that you can connect with and feel supported by. One thing that each tribe did was support one another. The mommas were always offering up ideas that worked for them or empathizing and validating one another. It was so beautiful.
Video conferencing has NO body language. Each week we talked on a video conferencing app called Zoom. We were able to see each other every week and social cues don’t always translate. For example, when I was presenting on Language and Development for babies/toddlers/preschoolers, all the women were attentive and listening but I had NO CLUE if they liked the topic or if it was helpful because their body language (slight head nodding/vocalizing agreements, etc.) didn’t necessarily translate through technology. There was a huge learning curve for me because I tend to talk with my hands and am usually aware of the body language of others.
No marriage is PERFECT. I mean I think I knew this but when we had our marriage therapist come do a Q and A with us, it was so refreshing and comforting to know that marriage is hard. Throw in a couple of littles, a job and a social life and it can be down right challenging. It is one of the main reasons that I have “Marriage” as a central pillar of The Momma Tribes. It takes work, dedication and intention if you are going to beat the 50% success rate of staying married and my hope is that through these Tribes I can help change that statistic! Some tips from the marriage therapist can be found here!
I know I harped on it in my Momma Monday emails but SELF CARE is essential. When we take time to fill ourselves up we are more patient and have more energy to give to all of the people that need and love us. So DO IT. If you don’t know what self care looks like for you, go here and do this exercise and do more things that give you energy.
Everything is ENERGY. I learned that I can’t do more than two Tribes in one night because I give so much energy on those calls that by the third call I usually had to pump myself up (dance/jump around) to get my energy flowing to be the best I could be for those women. Giving for three Tribes in three hours was too much and moving forward I am only doing two a night!
Getting uncomfortable is where you GROW. I am not going to lie, this entire business is way out of my comfort zone. But can I be honest with you? For the first time in a long time I feel so fulfilled and so in alignment with life that I wake up excited to find out what’s next. I wouldn’t feel that way if I didn’t push myself to get outside my comfort zone every single day. What can you do today that pushes you outside your comfort zone? Give a compliment? Go after a dream? Post an Instagram on TV? Just DO something that gets you up and outside your norm and see how you feel afterwards. I know that you can grow and expand in way you never thought possible!
I learned a lot from the 1st Tribe experience and I hope that there is something you can take away from what I learned and apply it to your family and life. Excited about the future of The Momma Tribe and the impact it will have in the life of mommas.
Making Momma Friends
What if we made friends like our Littles??
February was the looooongest month ever!!! Am I right Minnesotans!?! It’s been frigid, we got over 30 inches of snow and it is in the middle of cold season. Parenting has been ROUGH during the daytime. It is too cold to go outside, most play areas are covered in germs and it has been lonely. I have found myself saying the same things 100 times a day which makes me feel like I am going crazy. I crave adult interaction where I don’t have to tell someone 17 times to throw their fruit snack wrapper in the garbage. At least most mommas I hang out with don’t need the reminder. :)
After yelling rather loudly at Em and Att for running around the house with their shoes on (they know this is not allowed) I knew we needed to get out of the house ASAP...for my sanity and for theirs.
So, we went to a play place. We have a winter membership to a place that is super close and it has enough for the littles to do to keep them entertained for at least an hour. Emmett always runs straight to the costume area to find the police or firefighter costume and puts it on. Priorities right? We were there about two minutes before Emmett found another boy who was wearing a Police costume like him. The other boy, Hudson, asked Emmett what his name was, they exchanged names and immediately ran off to play police and bad guys. That was it. They literally ran all around, playing and laughing together after knowing each other for roughly five minutes.
Now me on the other hand, the momma craving adult interaction, did not have the same luck. I looked around in wonder as all the mommas at the play place were focused on their littles and rarely making eye contact with other mommas. Why is this? Why don’t we chat with each other? Are we scared? Are we antisocial? Am I the only one who wants to make a friend? Half the reason I go out in public is to have adult interaction, to connect with other people and know that I am not the only one that had to change five poopy diapers before 8am and that they also have a child that throws herself on the floor because you put the wrong snack top on the snack cup. There is SO much comfort in feeling that we are in this together, because sometimes staying at home with the littles can be lonely even when you aren’t ever alone.
So, back to my original question...why don’t we make friends like our littles? Think of how amazing it would be if we saw a mom whose little was having an epic meltdown over having to take their shoes off and instead of walking by, we smiled and said something comforting. I know that there are mommas out there that do that but what if we ALL did. What if we acted more like our littles and gave compliments freely and became friends in a few minutes. My challenge to you is this, next time you see a momma out and about...talk to her, give her a compliment, or just commiserate over this dreadfully long winter...you never know, you might have just made a lifelong momma friend.
The Momma Tribe
The Momma Tribe: The Beginning
Last month I read the book Earth is Hiring by Peta Kelly. This book sat on my bedside all of 2018...I wasn’t ready to read it..I’m not sure why, but subconsciously I think I knew I wasn’t prepared for what was inside. What it would teach me, what it would show me about my life. Crazy right?? But it is true.
Then in January I felt called to read it and I devoured it. Soaking up every lesson, every grain of wisdom, and forcing me to really listen to what God has been showing me for years. I was sitting in Attley’s ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) class one Friday morning and thinking, “Why isn’t this class full??” You see, I LOVE ECFE. It is so beneficial- the child connecting time, the parent education piece, making friends--all of these happen within the short hour and a half in class.
Instantly, I thought of how people could have scheduling conflicts with naps or multiple littles, work, or perhaps not being aware of ECFE in general. This had my mind spinning and the idea for a business started to take shape.
You see I love to teach. I didn’t love teaching in the school systems or the politics that came with it, but I love teaching, sharing, and connecting with others, especially mommas. It fills my soul up and I believe it is my purpose in life. It’s why I love teaching others about the nutrition that we love. It’s why I love sharing the harder stuff about parenting and life out on social media with the hope that I can teach or help others with things they might be struggling with in their lives, just like I do.
So here I am starting another adventure by creating a new business that I am so passionate about. You are looking at the Founder of the Abundant Momma Tribe. I’m creating an online platform for moms to meet weekly, discuss everyday life, and learn more about how to be the best woman, wife, and momma while connecting and creating friendships with other mommas. I am SO ecstatic to be launching the first three groups at the beginning of March and I would love your help getting my message out.
If you know a momma who could use this in their life, forward this post to them! I am so excited for this next adventure and I appreciate all of your support along the way.
Pregnancy Craving
Pregnancy Craving: Enchilada Lasagna
Everyone knows that you can have some crazy pregnancy cravings when growing a tiny human. With Emmett I ate a quesadilla with jalapeños at least once a week and with Attley foods either sounded good or they didn’t. Pregnancy number three has been a combo of both. After the nausea and queasiness of the first trimester, I developed the craving for enchiladas. I am not sure if I had ever had enchiladas prior to this pregnancy and I definitely had never made them!
Well, since about 14 weeks, I have pretty much made enchiladas at least once a week and have created a enchilada recipe that I think is easy, versatile, and yummy. My favorite thing about this recipe is that almost every week I have had to slightly tweak it due to the ingredients that I had on hand since I am the mom that is always missing at least ONE ingredient--even after a grocery run. It’s how this recipe went from being enchiladas to being enchilada lasagna (less tortillas and faster to assemble). :) However, the basics of this recipe are easy and you can modify almost all of it based off of any food allergies or restrictions you have in your household.
Before I share the ingredients and instructions on how I make it, I want to stress that I am laid back in the kitchen and tend to “fly by the seat of my pants” as the saying goes so the ingredients and instructions will be more relaxed than a professional food blogger. However, I hope you enjoy it all the same :)
Ingredients
Ground Beef (at least one pound)
1 Small Onion (we buy onions in bulk, chop them up, and freeze them to use as needed. I put about 2 handfuls into this recipe)
Corn (1 cup frozen or 1 can)
Black beans (1 can)
1 small can Green Chilies
1 Bell Pepper (have also used mini peppers)
Tortillas (any kind/brand you prefer)
2 cans Enchilada Sauce (Market Pantry is my preferred brand-- I tried a Mexican brand and did not like it at all)
Shredded Cheese
Additional side Ingredients you may want: sour cream, salsa, siracha, or tabsco
Set oven to 375 degrees
Taco Seasoning for the Ground Beef/Veggie Mixture
1 tbsp Chilli Powder
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp dried oregano
1 tbsp cumin
½ tsp garlic powder
1 tsp paprika
Salt and pepper to your preference
Directions:
Chop bell pepper and onion (or any veggies you want to cook with your meat).
Add meat, onions, and pepper to pan and cook on medium heat. Stirring occasionally to break up big chunks of meat
Add taco seasoning into meat/veggie mixture
While meat is cooking, rinse beans and corn and set aside. Spray enchilada dish with cooking spray and lay at least two tortillas on the bottom of the pan, sprinkle with desired amount of cheese (I do about a handful)
Once meat is fully cooked, open the can of green chillies and pour them into the meat and veggie mixture. Cook for an additional 1-2 minutes. Turn off heat and add the corn and beans. Stir in pan until well combined and bring to lasagna station.
Set up your lasagna station by having the enchilada pan, meat/veggie mixture, cheese, tortillas, and enchilada sauce all in one area. Scoop half of the meat/veggie mixture into the enchilada pan and spread out evenly. Sprinkle desired amount of cheese on top and then add two more tortillas on top. Pour one can of enchilada sauce over the first layer. Next sprinkle more cheese, add remaining meat/veggie mixture and spread evenly. Sprinkle desired amount of cheese and add two more tortillas on top. Finally pour the second can of enchilada sauce over the top and add more cheese.
Put in the oven for 30ish minutes until bubbly and cheese is melted on top.
That is it! Now the important question is will your littles eat it?!? I have no idea. Emmett is not a huge fan but he will eat the required amount in order for him to get a treat after dinner. Some weeks Attley eats it like it’s her favorite dish and other weeks it ends up on the floor. But the important piece is that baby bean enjoys it each week and we always have enough leftover that it is at least two dinners during the week which is a huge win in my book!
Enjoy!
Raised Catholic..
Raised Catholic...Now What?
Lately, I have had the nagging feeling about going to church. Currently, Matt and I do not belong to a church or go but now with two littles and another on the way, the feeling to find somewhere for our littles to learn about God and go to bible school has been strong.
But where to go?
I was born and raised Catholic. I have distinct childhood memories of going to church with my mom and brother every Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Most Saturday evenings, we would sit with my grandparents, aunts and uncles. I would sit next to my grandma and play with her jewelry, taking her rings on and off, spray her Bianca spray in my mouth, and hold her soft, yet weathered hand. I love these memories.
Then as a tween and teenager, I was actively engaged in our church. I lead religion groups with my best friend, went to sleep over camps, got confirmed, went on mission trips, and spent almost every Monday with my Compass group (teenage church group). The church was an essential part of my upbringing and I am grateful for all of my experiences.
Mission trip to Guatemala in 2010
After graduating and going to college, church was not a priority. It was my time to explore what was important to me and I could make decisions about what my Saturday and Sundays looked like. For a while, I went to church a few Sundays on special occasions or when some of my other Catholic friends were going but eventually I stopped and I started to distance myself from the Catholic religion.
Why?
That is an easy and also complicated answer.
While I was at college, The Archdiocese decided to change the wording of Mass to be more of a “literal” translation. They changed simple phrases from “Also with you” to “In your spirit.” Well, this 20 something girl got annoyed REAL quickly when a phrase I had used my entire life was now null and void during the 60 minute Mass. Maybe you’re thinking I’m a little ridiculous and I probably am BUT I had grown up with all of the phrases being ingrained in my brain and now they were all different and useless. It was frustrating and to this day I STILL say “Also with you.” What can I say...some habits are hard to break.
Aside from the annoying word change, as I entered early adulthood, there were a lot of conflicting views between me and the Catholic religion… accepting Gays, acknowledging women, and the many priest scandals to name a few. Now again, this might seem rash but these are very important to me. One of my biggest beliefs is that love is love and the catholic religion and I do not share this in common. And then it became personal. A few months after Matt and I got married (in the Catholic Church), my brother came out to me that he was gay. And that is when it really hit me. It all became much more personal. I believe my brother should have the same right to get married in the church as I do but with the Catholic faith, that currently can’t happen. I know that the current Pope is creating awareness in the Catholic faith with social issues that are becoming more and more important in our society, but to me it isn’t enough.
First PRIDE with my brother, bestie and mom.
This Fall, we decided to have Attley baptized (Emmett is also baptized) and we had some challenges with the churches views on who is “allowed” to be Godparents. Long story short, my cousin is not Catholic and because of this he almost was not allowed to stand up with Attley. After working with the Deacon, we were able to get him to be a “witness” and was allowed to be up there during the ceremony. These types of “rules” annoy me. My cousin goes to church more than I do and is spiritual in his own right. He is the perfect person to be there for Attley and while I am grateful the church “bent” the rules, it still annoyed me that it wasn’t inclusive in the first place.
Between all of this, I am no longer a practicing Catholic. I was raised Catholic and it was part of my upbringing, but now as an adult, I find myself searching for a new church. A new place for my littles to learn about God and explore their own faith. We've started to explore churches around us and I am hopeful we will find something that fits with our family soon.
Careful
One of the best things I have done this year in terms of parenting is join an ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) class with Emmett. I have learned SO much about parenting, the mind of a two year old, and how crucial we (us mommas--and dads too) are to our child’s development.
While I could talk at length about all of the things I have learned, the one lesson I was most surprised about was the lesson on the word “Careful.”
We currently live in a society of “Careful.”
“Be careful while climbing on the playground”
“Be careful with your sister”
“Be careful with the ball”
If you are reading this, I challenge you to listen for how often you say it during the day. It can be shocking. When I was given this challenge, I didn’t think I said it often only to discover I was saying it ALL. THE. TIME.
Now, why should we avoid this word?
Saying “be careful” all the time to our children can create a “careful” child, a “careful” teen, and a “careful” adult. A child who is anxiously weighing out every decision, every action. A child who is scared to take risks, scared to try because they might get hurt. A child who worries all the time.
I don’t know about you but I want my littles to take chances, to take risks, to have a “growth mindset.” A mindset where they can make a decision, set a goal, make mistakes, and try with all their might to achieve it.
However, it is still our job as mommas (and dads), to keep our children safe. So, what do you say instead of “Be careful”?
You get specific!
“Use your eyes while you climb on the playground”
“Your sister is a baby, you need to be gentle”
“If the ball rolls into the street, you need to stop and get an adult”
It is all about giving them specific guidance with whatever you want them to “be careful” with. I know with Emmett, I have started to say things like:
“If you run down the driveway, you could trip and get hurt”
“Watch where you’re walking so you don’t run into something”
I know that my littles are going to learn by MAKING MISTAKES…it is my job to guide them, but allow them the room to make those mistakes. If we are constantly telling them to be careful, it won’t allow them the space to commit an error, to learn that if they run without looking, they will likely get hurt.
While I have not been able to eradicate the word “careful” from my vocabulary, I know that I don’t say it often and I am learning to let my littles learn through their mistakes in a safe space.
Another Little?!?
Now that the “cat is out of the bag”, so to speak, and we have announced that we are expecting baby number three, I felt like I should explain why we've chosen to have another baby after what we went through with Attley. (If you aren’t familiar with Attley’s story, keep scrolling)
To explain why we made this decision, I want to take you back to 2010 when Matt and I first started dating. I met Matt through my best friend Lauren, and her boyfriend, now husband, Mathew. They invited me to a “Do Nothing Day” party where you sit in the front lawn, drink beer, and essentially do nothing. Matt and I spent 15 minutes talking at the party and a few days later he had tracked my phone number down and asked me out on a date. On our second date, I told Matt, I wanted to get married, have three kids- one named Emmett, and be a stay at home mom. I tend to just lay things out there, rather than maybe waiting the appropriate amount of dates needed to until you share more “serious” information with someone you are getting to know. But it must have worked because Matt kept dating me, we got engaged, and then married.
Fast forward eight years from that point and we are on our way to having baby number three. And to be honest, we almost didn’t get here. Everything that happened with Attley changed myself, Matt and our relationship. You can’t go through what we went through and not have lasting effects that ripple into your everyday life.
This Fall, as we approached Attley’s first birthday, I spent a lot of time in my head going back and forth on whether our family was complete or if we should start trying for number three. All of my life, I have wanted at least three kids. (Possibly four hint, hint Matt) However, the unfortunate thing about PPROM (preterm premature rupture of the membranes aka water breaking early) is that doctors cannot pinpoint the cause or explain why it happened. If you ask me, it was due to extreme stress but we will never know. Along with not knowing the cause of PPROM, it is also common for consecutive births to be early as well.
It pretty much came down to weighing out our original plan to have three kids and the possibility of a recurrence of what we went through with Attley. So why did we decide for three??
Because I refuse to let fear of “what if” dictate our future. This pregnancy has been hard. Mentally, emotionally, and physically and I would do it all again. I don’t know how the next 24ish weeks are going to go, but I do know that I will not let the fear of the past decide our future. I think sometimes in life we can be ruled by fear, by the game of “what if” when really we just need to have faith. Faith in God, faith in ourselves, and faith that everything happens for a reason.
2018 Intentions
Happy 2018!
As an adult, I have come to love New Years and what it represents. A new year around the sun, new adventures, new challenges, new beginnings...I just feel an excitement around it.
In the past two years, I have gotten really intentional about New Years and done self-reflection, as well as goal setting for the upcoming year. In 2017, my word for the year was “Faith.” The word technically started in Fall of 2016 during a huge time of trial but it carried me throughout all of 2017. As I reflect back, I realize my faith has grown tremendously during this time. As I prepare for 2018, I have been searching for a new word to focus on and use throughout the year. 2018’s word is going to be “abundance.” Pretty fitting since the name of this blog is “The Abundant Momma” but I really want to take the time to focus in on what abundance means to me as well as my family. Besides my focus word, I have some really serious goals that I would like to accomplish in this next year. I am terrified to write them down and share them with you but I am trying to kick fear to the curb this year and do more things that scare me.
2018 Goals
Pay off Credit Card debt
Run a 10k
Reach Executive Level within the company I partner with
Weekly date nights with Matt
Have our 3rd child or start the adoption process
Complete house projects- trim and doors upstairs, new carpet, landscaping
Make a six-figure income
Gain muscle mass
Read/Listen to 1 Personal Development book a month
I have a few more goals in mind, but these are the ones that I plan to be really intentional about. Do you have goals for the new year? Have you thought about what you want to accomplish in the next 365 days? I would like to share a few books that totally rocked my socks in 2017 and have shaped my goals for 2018. I am not sponsored or represented by these authors or companies so all of these opinions are coming from me and what I took away from these amazing authors.
Recommended Books:
You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
Summary: Basically, you can do anything you want, you just have to have the courage to believe and take action towards your dreams. She is witty, down to earth and the book flies by.
You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero
Summary: Money is abundant and available to you, you have to be open to receiving and tuning into the world around you. I love this book and plan to read it again in 2018, she has totally helped me shift my mindset around money and how to create more in my life.
The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins
Summary: You want to make a change in your life? Decide and then use the 5 second rule. This book was phenomenal and I plan to use the tools in this book for the rest of my life.
The Go Giver by Bob Berg and John David Mann
Summary: There are 5 rules to live by: 1) Give more 2) Serve more 3) Put others first 4) Be authentic 5) Be open. This is another book that I will use the rest of my life and be continuously working on.
- The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon
- Summary: Your energy is important. Guide it, use it, and create it. This book was great and totally relatable to every day life.
I hope you can find one that resonates with you and helps you make 2018 the year for YOU. If you have goals for 2018, I would love to hear them!
Cheers to a new year friends!
The Best Christmas Present
The Best Christmas Present...The Day Attley Came Home
It’s been one year since our NICU journey came to an end. As I reflect on this time last year, it really was a Christmas Miracle that Attley came home before Christmas.
December 2016
The week before Christmas…
The week before Christmas was full of ups and downs in regards to Attley eating and taking enough milk by bottle to move from timed feeds (feed her every 3 hours) to cue based feeding (she dictates when she eats by rooting or crying). Slowly she was starting to take more by bottle and by mid week we had started cue based feeding which led to feeding amount requirements.
I remember vividly sitting in her room, silently begging her to eat enough to reach her goal...doing all I could to stay positive and pray that she would make it home before Christmas.
Three days before Christmas she had a goal to drink 200mL within a 24 hour period. If she could do that for two days, we would be able to be discharged and sent home. As I left the hospital on the 21st, Attley was on her way to making her 200mL goal and we had a glimmer of hope that she could do it and would be able come home. We went to bed that night hoping she would meet it and we could do one more 24 hour period and go HOME.
We called the hospital bright and early on the 22nd to find out that she surpassed her feeding goal! We were SO excited and yet nervous to get our hopes up.
On the 22nd and the 23rd, Attley fell short 2mL and 5mL of meeting her 200 milliliter goal. We were crushed but also really proud, because even though she didn’t meet it, she was SO close! Since our pediatrician group rotates doctors, we had a variety of opinions and instructions. One of our doctors happened to be rather strict, and didn’t like how short Attley fell of her goal and wanted us to continue to stay in the hospital and work on eating.
From our perspective, Attley was ready to come home. She was so close to her feeding goal and was having some serious congestion due to the dry air in the hospital. It was starting to become a vicious cycle...the air was dry due to no humidity in hospitals, therefore she couldn’t eat to meet her feeding goal, and she couldn’t meet her feeding goal because she couldn’t breathe well. Christmas Eve arrived and we were prepared to spend the holiday divided between the hospital and being home with Emmett. It was important for me to be in on rounds with the pediatricians because I wanted to discuss our breathing concerns and frustrations about her being SO close.
After an hour of sitting with Attley, the new doctor for rounds came in and I said my spiel about her breathing and eating cycle. How I knew if we took her home where she could have a humidifier, she could meet her goals. I’ll never forget, he looked at me and said “I totally understand what you are saying, let me think about it for a few minutes and I’ll come back in.”
He went and chatted with the nurses and a few minutes walked in, looked me in the eye and said “Would you want to go home today?”
In tears, I answered “Yes!”
From that moment on, we were in a mad dash to get things ready at home, hospital tests she had to pass (car seat test), and get some prescriptions filled to help with her congestion.
By early afternoon, we were officially discharged! I’ll never forget driving home and thinking what a miracle today was. It also taught me a few life lessons that I wanted to share on her one year “coming home” anniversary.
always keep faith. Always.
Your voice matters. Speak up.
Christmas miracles happen and they can happen to you.
I’m so grateful to be spending this Christmas Eve, at home chasing around Emmett and Attley and being together as a family of four.
We want to wish you heartfelt Merry Christmas from my family to yours as well as abundant joy and a faith filled New Year.
Christmas 2016
Today I Yelled at My Littles
This afternoon was tough. Hence the name of this post. As I've been navigating my stay at home mom journey, I make it a point to not raise my voice or yell at my littles. Most of the time, I do a good job with this but to put it bluntly, today sucked.
Let me start with Attley. Oh this sweet girl. She is fierce in her emotions and she is constantly telling me how she feels (by screaming). Now that she is mobile and crawling all over our dirty floors, she is my shadow. Once she catches up to me, she then precedes to wind herself around my legs, in her (not so subtle) attempt to get me to pick her up because my left hip is her preferred hangout spot. If I ignore her cat like tendencies, she then starts to scream and boy does this girl have some strong vocal cords. This is usually the point where I give in and pick her up. Because to be honest I can't stand to listen to her scream and have those big blue eyes full of crocodile tears. And if I am even more honest, this little demanding monster I have created is my fault. She loves to be held and she especially loves to be held by me. But you know what you guys?? I couldn't hold her for the first 5 weeks of her life. She was tethered to cords and monitors. Constant beeping sounds, strangers coming in and out of her room, and everyone telling you what is best. The first few weeks, I had to get permission from nurses to hold my own little girl. So, yea, I am going to pick her up is she wants to be held. The tough part is managing her needs and my desire to get something done without my arm burning from her 18 pound little body.
This afternoon I was attempting to make some soft fries for Attley because we are having some feeding issues with her...I won’t get into it now but I am trying to darnedest to get this girl to eat a variety of foods. But while I was cooking, Attley had other ideas...she wanted to be held. It got to the point where I knew we needed to get out of the house and go for a walk. I set her down and she immediately started to scream. And I yelled back. I am not proud but ugh..I just needed 30 seconds to get the fries out of the oven so I wouldn’t burn the house down while we were gone. I yelled “Attley! Stop crying, you are fine!” and then I felt guilty. She doesn’t know better...I mean I kinda think she knows how to “play me” but she is 11 months so I should be more patient. Once I was got her coat and shoes on, I apologized, saying I was sorry for raising my voice but it gets hard to hold her all the time. Did she know what I was saying? Probably not, but it made me feel better to calmly voice my frustrations and explain why I can’t always do what she wants.
And now enter Emmett. This little has been testing my patience lately. He wants help with EVERYTHING. (Yes, this needed to be in shouty capitals) Things he knows how to do and can do independently, he is constantly asking for help. Since I was frazzled with things with Attley, I asked Emmett to get his jacket and shoes. He got his jacket and asked for help to put it on, which I did (the sleeves were inside out). Next up were the shoes. Emmett has crocs and knows how to put them on the correct feet but for some reason today he couldn’t do it. He started whining and putzing around the mudroom while I am holding a wiggly Attley. I just wanted to go outside and get some fresh air! My frustration was building and it boiled over. I told Emmett to find his other shoe, put it on, and come outside. I took Attley out and got the stroller set up and her situated. I went back in to check on Emmett and I caught him red handed playing with the foaming hand sanitizer that I use when we come home from germy places (aka everywhere) and I got mad and yelled. Again. Strike two for this momma.
I took a deep breath and got down to his level and explained that I am feeling frustrated. I continued to explain how we are going on a walk and to do that Emmett needed to put his shoes on. Together we found his other shoe and he put it on and off we went.
It literally took me our entire 30 minute walk to calm down and shake off the previous few hours. I was in such an icky head space. Negative emotion after negative emotion was churning through my brain. And then I remembered something Tony Robbins said in August. He said that you can’t feel gratitude for something and feel a negative emotion at the same time. So I started listing off 10 things about Emmett I was grateful for and 10 things for Attley. Slowly, I started to feel better. I started to lose the ickiness of the afternoon and see some of the beauty. I feel so blessed to be home and I tend to feel such guilt for having a bad day but I think that is there is beauty in the ugliness if we are willing and open to look for it.
Postpartum Anxiety
This post has been hard to write.
I have so much I want to share, so many mommas I want to help but I've been at a loss of how to get my message across. So, I decided to write about what I know to be true.
post partum anxiety is more common than postpartum depression.
Postpartum anxiety is not talked about in our society
Postpartum anxiety is very, very real.
I would love to share my entire story of how I came to learn about postpartum anxiety and some science behind it but all I am going to say is thank God for momma groups like The Second Time Mama Class at Amma Parenting Center. Our teacher shared so much knowledge and I will forever be grateful.
So, here is my story with postpartum anxiety.
After Attley was born, her biggest hurdle was learning to eat. I sat with her day in and day out desperately begging her to eat. Counting every Millimeter, every drop of milk in the hopes that she would meet her goal. It was so emotionally, physically, and mentally draining. She would do well, and then we would go backwards. I would arrive at the hospital each morning hoping today was the day we would move to the final feeding step. After 5 grueling weeks and by the grace of God, Attley was discharged on Christmas Eve.
Fast forward two amazing weeks at home and Attley caught a cold resulting in RSV and being admitted into the hospital. Attley fought for her life and at one point stopped breathing. Again, God gave her tiny little body the strength to push through and get better. As she started to recover and feel better, a nurse came in and we were told we would have to meet a feeding goal for Attley in order to be discharged.
This is where I knew something was wrong.
I lost it. I started to weep uncontrollably in her room, barely able to breathe thinking about trying to meet new feeding goals. My mind started racing. My body was hot. And I knew something wasn't right.
During my meltdown, I did my best to explain to Matt that I couldn't feed Attley. I could not do another feeding goal. Being the amazing man he is, he took over. He did all the feedings and worked with the nurses and occupational therapists to make sure Attley was doing well. After a week in the pediatric intensive care unit, we were finally discharged.
As we got settled at home for the second time, I found myself getting anxious for every feeding with Attley. I became paranoid about her “leakage” (milk spilling out of the corners of her mouth) as she ate. I would sit there and worry-- is she getting enough? Is she eating right? Am I holding her wrong?
After a few days of this paranoid thinking and expressing some concern in my momma class, I had my lightbulb moment. In class, our teacher explained that when a prolonged traumatic event occurs, your body starts to always want to stay in flight or fight mode. It becomes accustomed to always being on alert so when things finally settle down, it doesn't know what to do. So, it creates a flight or fight response. There are scientific words that I can't remember but the gist was-- I had been in flight or fight mode for 12 weeks and my body didn't know what to do now that it was over. At this point, I was still an emotional mess. I remember calling Matt and him asking me if I'm ok and my reply was “No. I'm not.”
I made an appointment with my OBGYN clinic and got seen that day. After chatting with my doctor and discussing options, I decided to go on a low dose antianxiety medication.
I think it's hard to admit you need help and sometimes it's hard to take medicine for it but I knew I needed to calm my anxiety so I could be a good wife and momma.
Still to this day, I am taking my “little blue pill” as I call it. This month (September) has been a wake up call that I still need it and that I'm still recovering from the events of last fall. Having a baby is hard, becoming a momma is hard and it's ok to need help.
To anyone reading this, here is my plea to you:
If you don't feel right, reach out. To a friend, family member, coworker, doctor. If you aren't ok, don't say that you are.
And my biggest plea is to any woman reading this, be open! My anti anxiety medicine costs me $1.24 for a month's worth, but if I want to see a therapist about all of this it's about $100+ an hour. We NEED to be each other's support system, cheerleader, friend.
I hope that if you find yourself with postpartum anxiety you take care of yourself first. This saying might be cheesy but it is true.. “You can't pour from an empty cup”
Attley used this every day in the NICU. She had what they call "NICU stuffy nose" due to the lack of humidity in hospitals. September was the first time I had used it since she had RSV in January.
This is the soap they use in the hospital. I had to use it one night for baths when I was in in a bind and it took me back to the NICU days.
Ways to Help a NICU Family
Ways to Help a NICU Family (and a momma on bedrest)
September is NICU Awareness month and my one year anniversary of when my water broke at 26.6 weeks is quickly approaching. To spread awareness and help support other families, I thought it would be helpful to list some ways to help a family that is in the NICU/Hospitalized Bedrest.
If you are new and don’t know my story, you can read my first blog post here. To sum it up, my water broke at 26.6 weeks pregnant and I was on hospitalized bedrest for a little over 7 weeks until Attley arrived at 33.1. She spent 5 long weeks in the NICU learning how to eat and gain weight. Since I had some bedrest time before our time in the NICU, some of these ideas are more applicable for bedrest but most can be used for either life altering event. I hope they are helpful and spread some love to others who go on this life changing journey!
Meals- Let me just start off by saying, hospital meals get old. I had an amazing friend set up a “Meal Train” for us and people signed up to bring us meals. Many of the meals were double batches where was made to be frozen. This was incredibly helpful because it was a meal to replace hospital food and then was a meal after Attley came home and we were navigating life with a preemie. Another helpful meal option was Bite Squad. We got a gift card where they would deliver food to us from local restaurants around the hospital. This allowed Matt and I have to eat a few decent meals when we were spending time with Attley in the evenings. InstaCart was also a great help. This allowed me to grocery shop from the hospital and have food delivered to the house for Matt and Emmett. Lastly, food gift cards are great. Extra bonus points if the gift card is for a restaurant/fast food joint close to the hospital. We also really enjoyed coffee shop gift cards. This was a special treat we would have on weekends and allowed me to get some pumpkin spice during the fall season.
Home/Household- This one was hard for me. Cleaning/chores go out the window when your life is turned upside down and if you are like me, it is really hard to ask for help. Especially when all you need is someone to clean your dirty house. Thankfully, I am blessed with amazing family who were willing to clean our house-- Thank you mom and Timmy. However, in hindsight, I would have loved for a cleaning gift card...I don’t even know if those exist but it would have been amazing to have someone come in and clean our house a few times during the 12 weeks when I was living in the hospital and taking care of Attley. Lawn chores are another thing that can be an added stressor when you don’t have time to deal with them. Again, we were blessed with amazing family who mowed our lawn, raked our leaves, and kept our yard looking nice. This took a huge stress off Matt and allowed him to spend his weekends with me at the hospital. We also had a neighbor buy us holiday plants to put outside our front door. Although, it was not a necessity it was so comforting to have our house looking festive.
Childcare- Since this all happened with our second child, Matt and I had to get very creative with childcare for our son, Emmett. The first week I was on bedrest he lived with Matt’s parents. After that week, we navigated between family members willing to help out as well as an amazing hospital that allowed Emmett to spend the night when we wanted. If there is no local family, offering childcare can go a long way. Childcare is expensive and when you are away from your child, you want them in the best care possible. Even if it is just an hour or two, this can allow the parents to have some time.
Company- This one is more applicable to being on bedrest but I think it is important for NICU families as well. I was so incredibly blessed to have visitors almost every single day that I was on bedrest in the hospital. This was one of the biggest blessings out of my bedrest journey. I had so many people reach out and offer to come visit, keep me company, bring me coffee, and just chat. This was a lifesaver and I am blessed to be surrounded by incredible people. NICU policies make it hard to have visitors but even meeting in the hospital coffee shop or bringing them an afternoon treat, can break up a long day in a hospital room with your little one learning how to survive. Most of the time in the NICU, you are in a darkened room with constant beeping sounds and surrounded by people that are strangers. A friendly face or someone to decompress/vent/cry/chat with is so incredibly helpful and much needed at such a stressful time.
Rides/Parking- Hospitals are a pain when it comes to location and parking. When Attley was in the NICU, my aunt drove me to the hospital almost everyday so that I didn't need to pay for parking or stress over finding a parking spot. Most hospitals have parking passes that become an additional financial stress for the family. I had a generous friend give me money to buy a full week parking pass. It was nice to not stress about parking when going back and forth multiple times a day.
Gifts- I have a tremendous amount of generous people in my life who gave so many wonderful gifts while on bedrest and in the NICU. They included: movies, magazines, books, toys for Emmett, sweets, outfits for baby, coloring books, craft supplies, notebooks, markers, and decorations for my hospital room. We also received gift cards for: Amazon, Kindle, iTunes, fast food chains, and Target. I still get overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family. Each gift given, was used and so appreciated.
If the family you want to help is like us, it can be really, really hard to ask for help. If the family says they don’t want help, I promise you, they need it. However, sometimes people need time to process and figure everything out. If they don’t answer right away, give them some time and they will reach out when they are ready. Bedrest is hard but the NICU is harder. If your child is in for one day or over one hundred days, it is an emotional rollercoaster, draining, scary, and life changing. Just sending the family positive thoughts and prayers during this time can make a huge difference. While, I don’t want anyone to go through what we went through, I know that it will happen again so I hope this post serves other families in a positive way and I thank each person for everything they did for us during our bedrest and NICU journey.
Below are 4 pictures: (1) the day Attley was born (2) spending time with daddy in the NICU (3) Thanksgiving Day (4) the day we brought Attley home on Christmas Eve
