We have all been there...You are standing in the middle of your kitchen where it looks like a food explosion happened, while your littles are running around screaming and you are still wearing yesterday's clothes.

Hi, welcome to motherhood-- a crazy, beautiful, overwhelming experience!

Having four littles in five years, overwhelm was my operating state until I implemented these steps to banish the feeling of overwhelm and step into a more relaxed and calm state. Knowing you always have a choice in your emotions and reactions is KEY when feelings of overwhelm creep up.

In this blog post I will be covering:

Understanding the root cause of overwhelm
The First Step to do when overwhelmed
How to give grace
Use your body
Use tools
The 3 Ds
Implement your Team

After my third little was born, I was overwhelmed. Between having a newborn, meeting the needs of my toddler and preschooler and trying to keep my head above the demands of motherhood, it became clear things needed to change.

I am going to be completely honest-- I still sometimes get overwhelmed in day to day life but I have used these tools, techniques, and strategies to turn that overwhelm into feelings of powerful calmness and I am going to teach you too!

The first step is to understand your root cause of overwhelm

When I think of times I was feeling “overwhelmed” I was really feeling scared of not knowing if I could do all the things I was being asked to do. Can I manage a house, laundry, cook dinner and keep three children alive at the same time? Looking at your overwhelm from a place of “what is this moment showing me” can give you valuable insights into what the root cause is. Knowing the root cause will allow you to acknowledge your [fear] on a deeper level. Getting specific on what exactly you are overwhelmed or scared of allows you to tackle the fear head on.

If your root cause is fear of something (which it most likely is) identifying the fear like “I am scared I can’t do it all” will allow you to express it and then it loses it’s power over you. Can you do it all? No. No one can. So your fear is expressed and then validated that it is just that-- a fear based thought that doesn’t hold power over you.

The Next Step is to Observe the Overwhelm

When you’re knee deep in mom mode and you feel overwhelmed, you can observe it. You can look at it from a place of witnessing the overwhelm. Your thoughts might play out like this:

‘Ooo I am feeling overwhelmed. Ok I know that overwhelmed is coming from me feeling scared or fearful of something, what am I feeling scared of right now? Ohh I am feeling scared that we will be late for preschool because there is so much that needs to happen between now and when we have to leave in 30 minutes. Ok if we are late, what are the consequences? Nothing. Ok so my overwhelm is not a “big deal” Here are all the things I need to get done and the priority of them getting done.”

That inner dialogue might seem silly but I cannot be the only one that talks myself through situations when I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Witnessing it and walking yourself through the different scenarios allows you to play out the outcomes and validate the emotion but also see it in a new perspective.

When Overwhelm Hits, Give Yourself Grace

When you are in an overwhelmed state, you are likely running on adrenaline and maybe you’re snappier with your family or shorter with your responses. Maybe you raise your voice and yell in an effort to get your overwhelmed feelings across. When this happens give yourself grace. Know that you are doing the best you can in your current situation and move into using your body.

Use your Body

Our bodies are SO powerful. When we are in an overwhelmed state, you are likely in fight or flight mode meaning your sympathetic nervous system is running the show. When you are in this state your muscles tense up, your pupils dilate, and your heartbeat increases-- getting you ready to fight. This state is hard on our bodies and we aren’t able to process everything around us because we are literally poised to “run.” To get out of this, we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system. To do this, you want to take long, slow, deep breaths. I love box breathing- breathing in for 8, hold for 8, breathe out for 8 and hold for 8. Doing this for a few minutes I immediately feel my body relax and my muscles loosen up. From this space, you can start to process all that is overwhelming you and move into using your tools.

Use your Tools

I was once told by a friend that a man's brain is like a runway and they think linear and one thing at a time and that a woman's brain is like a bowl of spaghetti because we have a thousand thoughts going in a thousand directions but we still end up having a delicious meal because we are just that talented with our noodle brain. However, even noodles need some help. My biggest tool when overwhelm strikes is to start making a list. Lists on lists on lists. List all of the things that need to get done and when they need to get done by. This allows you to start to organize some of the “spaghetti” brain and turn it into something more manageable.

Move into the 3 Ds

After you have your list, move into the 3 Ds phase. This is a helpful process to figure out what needs to be done, delegated, and deleted. Go through your list and identify what has to be done by you, what can be delegated to someone else (more on this in a min) and then deleted/outsourced. Are there things on your list that someone else could do for you? Can something wait until later? Only you can decide what will work for you but use the 3 Ds on your list and take some load off your plate!

Implement your Team

One of the quickest ways to get rid of overwhelm is to implement your team and by team I mean family or support system. In our house, I literally tell my littles that I can’t do it all. I need their help. They have responsibilities and jobs that they do daily and we have systems in place to keep things running smooth-ish for our family of six.

Jobs/Responsibilities my kids have (Ages 6,5,3,2 as of 12/21)

Putting their clean clothes away
Putting their shoes away when they come inside
Bringing dishes to the sink after meals
Cleaning up toys off the floor so I can run our robot vacuum
Sorting laundry
Wiping down surfaces after meals
Putting silverware away
Cleaning bathrooms
Grabbing their waters when it is time to leave the house

Systems

Places for toys to go (labels help but my kids won’t keep them on)
Places for dirty clothes
Places for shoes/jackets
No Tech time until chores done

What responsibilities can you give your littles? Honestly, ANY age after 1 can help out-- Audynn, my youngest, learned how to bring me a diaper and wipes when she pooped at 18 months! It just might take some creative thinking on our part!

Now I know this blog post was packed with information so digest it slowly and come back to it as needed. You do NOT need to feel overwhelmed by motherhood even if some moments are overwhelming. Using the steps, tools, tips and tricks in this post will help you navigate the ups and downs in a more calm and relaxed manner! And if you need more support in your motherhood journey, grab the Aligned Parents Mini-Course or book a discovery call for Illuminated Coaching

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I believe parenting should be a fun and happy experience and sometimes that means digging deeper into ourselves and learning more! Helping burnt out and overwhelmed moms is my passion because once upon a time, I was just like you! And if you want to take your burnout even farther, check out my FREE video training on Stop Yelling at Your Littles.

Spirituality is a huge buzz word right now but for a real reason…more and more people are having a “spiritual awakening” and becoming more and more conscious.

Now if I have totally lost you, let me back up and explain a little more. Being conscious is a term used to describe how “aware” you are of what goes on inside your head. It is no secret that majority of our thinking is done “subconsciously” meaning the thoughts we think are on auto pilot just like the morning routines, driving routes, food habits and bedtime routines are. We just do them. Some thoughts we just think. The act of becoming conscious means becoming aware of the incessant chatter inside our heads, registering it, and then changing it if it is not something that is serving us. Make sense? If not, see this post about 3 Ways to get Spiritually conscious.

Your Spirituality is your Superpower

Use these tips to harness yours.

In this blog post, I am going to share 7 simple steps you can take to dive into your spirituality and what you could gain from doing it. This post contains affiliate links, if you click the link and choose to purchase, I make a small commission for referring you— thank you for supporting my small business! So let’s get started!

Meditation— I know, I know, you have likely been told before to meditate but I would like to explain why this helps you dive into your spiritual side. Like I said before, we have constant chatter inside our heads and a lot of the time the chatter is negative and mean. This mean chatter pulls us away from our intuition, our inner knowing and drowns it completely out. Without access to our intuition, we cannot unlock all of the gifts and beauty inside of us. When we step into meditation, it allows us to calm the chatter, quiet the mind and allow for us to truly connect with ourselves and a higher power (whatever that means to you). I am going to even go a little further and say that mediation does not need to be done sitting crosslegged on a pillow in stillness. You can mediate on a walk and list things you are grateful for. You can meditate while sitting outside and focus on the sounds you hear. You can mediate laying down listing to claiming music (this is how I prefer to meditate). Sometimes I fall asleep and sometimes I have the best downloads— like what to offer next for Illuminated Mom or an inspired blog post to write for all of you. When I allow myself to stop all the millions of mom tasks I do each day, I allow space for more.
Connect with a Higher Power— This one can be sticky for some people. To me, religion and spirituality are different. Religion abides by certain rules and beliefs while spirituality is entirely personal and individualized. Either way, a higher power is at it’s core. Whether you name it God, Universe, Source, Angels, The Divine, Ascended Masters, Lightworker— it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you believe in something greater than yourself. This can take some inner work to dive into what speaks to you. Coming from a strict catholic background, I had to dig into what I believe to be true and what feels aligned with myself. That means that I let the religious parts of my belief system fall away and picked up some universal beliefs instead. I dive deeper into this in Week 1 of Stepping into Your Soulful Spirituality.
Oracle Decks— these are an amazing way to start getting guidance from your higher power and leaning into those intuitive hits. Oracle decks are typically decks that have short sayings or phrases on them. Usually they come with instructions on how to set the atmosphere, what to do to prepare and how to pull the cards. These have been instrumental in my spiritual journey during challenging times, times of indecision or times when I am questioning my worth. Every single time the card I pull is exactly what I need in that moment and it strengthens my connection to the Universe but also with myself. My two favorite decks are Work Your Light by Rebecca Campbell and The Moon Deck.
Chakras— If you are new to Chakras I have a course that covers them here that is a STEAL but the gist of Chakras are that you have seven (there are more but the most common is seven) energy centers within your body. All of these energy centers are linked to certain aspects of yourself. For example, you root chakra is all about survival, basic needs being met, and feeling supported. I have worked a lot with my root chakra because it is tied to feelings of lack and “not enough.” Two core wounds that I am in the process of healing. There are many chakra resources out there. Two of my favorites are Chakra For Beginners by David Pond and Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith
Journaling— one of the easiest ways to connect with yourself and your higher power is to journal. I currently have three journals that I work in each morning. One is The Yogic Path, I love it because it allows me to check in each morning and set an intention for the day. The second one is my graffiration journal. (Graffirmation is a word I made up to describe an affirmation and gratitude put together) My graffirmations are writing out things I am grateful that haven’t necessarily happened yet. Cultivating feelings of gratitude is one of the quickest ways to manifest and co-create things you want to call into your life. I have a list of about 10 things that I am thankful for each day that I am manifesting into my life as I type this. The third journal is where I can free write anything that comes to me or intuitive hits. I also keep a wealth log in this journal where I keep track of all of the wealth I experience that day. Super powerful exercise that I won’t get into here but here is a hint wealth isn’t just money :)
Breathwork— I am going to be totally honest. This one I do not have a lot of experience with. However, the small amounts that I have done breath work it has been totally transformative. We store SO much emotion and energy in our bodies and it can get trapped and stuck. Breathwork is a way for you to release all of that emotion and energy that isn’t serving you. You can youtube or google for practices— this is something on my list that I want to dive more into in the next few months.
Cultivate Awareness— Ok, I saved the hardest one for last—sorry friends. Without getting too wordy and off topic, our entire lives is created by our thoughts. Look around you— everything you have right now is something you once dreamed of. I personally am living a life I played for in the game LIFE. I ALWAYS wanted a car full of kids (we have four), I wanted the victorian (we built a beautiful modern farm house) and I always wanted to be wealthy— currently manifesting that. Wild right?!? In order to start manifesting or co-creating your dreams you have to become aware of your thoughts! We have 100,000s of thoughts a day and I can guarantee a lot of them are NOT serving you and are actually keeping you from creating your hearts desire— and I am here to tell you that you deserve to have it all. So how do you cultivate awareness? It is easy and complicated at the same time.

Question every thought you think- ask yourself questions when you think something. Is this true? Is this serving me? Is there a better thought I could be thinking?
Examine each emotion- When you feel anger throughout the day, what caused it? When you feel joy, what brought it? When you feel frustrated, what triggered it? These emotions are your guide to uncovering aspects of yourself that you have likely kept hidden and deserve to be uncovered, understood, and healed. (This is what we do in Mothering with Soul)

The beautiful thing about spirituality is that it is 100% YOUR journey! You get to use what feels good and aligned to you and leave the rest. There are no rules or structure but rather an inner guidance system that you follow to uncover the most authentic and beautiful parts of you. If this blog post spiked your interest and you are hungry for more, I would recommend looking into Stepping into Your Spirituality— an 8 week course with 8 bonus videos covering all the spiritual practices I wished I knew as I started my journey. From healing your relationship with God, to understanding the moon cycles, to working with crystals— it is in there.

Wherever you find yourself, know that you are always being guided and supported on your journey— there is no right or wrong path, just yours.